“Preserving the Grandeur of the Muddy Bank”
“From the high-stakes logistics of the Decatur Square to the sacred, diesel-infused waters of our private docks, we remain the unyielding sentinels of the unique Meigs County ethos.”
Conceived in the humid autumn of 1983 while waiting for a ferry that never arrived on time, the Armstrong Ferry HOA and Yacht Club was envisioned as a sanctuary for those who appreciate the quiet majesty of the Tennessee River—and those who prefer their neighbors at a distance of at least one gravel turnout. What began as a hopeful collection of riverside structures has matured into a premier residential enclave where "Functional Buoyancy" is now the supreme law of the mud.
1.01. The "Vessel" Clause: In keeping with our status as a premier Yacht Club, all watercraft moored within the community must maintain a state of "Functional Buoyancy." A vessel shall be defined as any craft capable of reaching the main channel without the use of a bucket.
1.02. Fender Decorum: The use of automotive tires as dock fenders is permitted only if they have been thoroughly scrubbed of Meigs County red clay or are of a premium tire brand (Michelin or better). 14-inch rims are preferred for aesthetic consistency.
2.01. Tactical Lawn Management: Primary lawns must be maintained at a height that does not provide tactical cover for adolescent deer. Mowing operations are preferred to be conducted on a Zero-Turn Radius (ZTR) machine of at least 50-inch deck width to maintain community prestige.
2.02. Discerning Vigilance: Traditional riding mowers are allowed, provided the operator remains in a state of "Discerning Vigilance." While nodding to neighbors is mandatory, stopping the blades to engage in dialogue requires a 20-minute minimum commitment to discuss regional grievances.
3.01. Adaptive Design & Color: While our community’s heritage is rooted in the "Strategic Plywood" movement of the early 80s, all new structures must adhere to the Enclave Standard. At least 60% of any exterior must be covered in a material that successfully mimics a color found in nature—specifically "River Silt," "Drought-Brown Grass," or "Primer Gray."
3.02. Heavy-Duty Heritage: Blue tarps are restricted to a maximum duration of one hunting season unless they are of the "Heavy Duty" variety, in which case they are considered a semi-permanent roofing solution.
4.01. The Decatur Dialogue: Should a resident encounter a neighbor in a common area (the mailbox, the gravel turnout, or the DG parking lot), official protocol is activated. Neither party shall depart until the following have been sufficiently addressed:
5.01. The "Dayton" Restriction: Any vehicle sporting a license plate frame from a Dayton or Athens dealership shall be viewed as a "Vessel of Interest." Such visitors are encouraged to keep moving toward the Ferry unless they are delivering tractor parts, name-brand snacks, or moonshine intended for communal consumption at the shoreline.
6.01. Yacht Club Decorum: As a premier community, decorum is paramount. Shirts are required for all official business conducted at the Dollar General. Formal wear for HOA meetings consists of denim in a non-distressed state and boots that have been recently hosed off. Camouflage is considered a formal neutral and is acceptable for all occasions, including weddings, funerals, and boat launchings.
7.01. Security Lighting: To preserve our "Starlit Grandeur," all security lighting (colloquially known as "The Big Pole Light") must be angled to ensure your neighbor can still see the moon from his porch. Residents who purposely blind a boat Captain navigating the channel at 1:00 AM will be subject to a formal "Meigs Speaks Up" rant by the Board.
8.01. Waterfowl Standing: Residents are reminded that the geese were here first, but they do not pay dues. Therefore, they are not entitled to "Quiet Enjoyment." Tactical use of a garden hose to discourage waterfowl from congregating on docks is encouraged, provided the resident maintains a dignified, "Premier" posture while doing so.